It is not a Good Idea to keep a Pocket Knife with you at All Times

Sitting in my green messenger bag is a Swiss Army knife that I bought about twenty years ago. It has a locking blade so I don’t slice my fingers off with an accidental fold. It isn’t too sharp any more. In a self-defence situation it will be capable of wrinkling an attacker’s newly dry-cleaned shirt. It is a bad bottle opener and a worse corkscrew but my trusty red friend is there when I need it. I’ve been keeping this knife in my messenger bag. It goes where I go. 

Last week I went to the Department of Homeland Security last week to get fingerprinted. There’s a big sign on the way in that says No Weapons. “Heh,” I laugh to myself, “Who’d be dumb enough to bring a weapon in here?”

I walk through the metal detector and I go to pick up my bag and the officer running the bag detector asks if she can check inside. Ah.

It turns out I can keep my knife so long as I ‘secure it’ in my vehicle. They took my name down. I can see it coming up in the Naturalization interview. “Mr Curtis, we were going to grant you citizenship but there was that incident with the knife.”

Despite this the fingerprinting machines are awesome. I kept looking for the monitor to pop up that I owned the mystery second set of prints on Lee Harvey Oswald’s gun, but all I got was a lot of cleaning fluid on my fingers.


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